Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Why You Should Go to: Neden Monster Clean-Up

by Ethan "Jean-Baptiste" Goldman

Why I want to go:

Well you SHOULD go because you love me and want me to succeed in my ventures. But I suppose that may not be good enough for SOME of you (I’m not naming names, so long as I get my thirty signatures at least) so why else should you go?

You’re an adventurer, probably have a few years under your belt, you’ve been to hell, helped usher in the end of the world, you may have even met a god, thrown a dartboard at a knife, got shouted in the ear by Sir Sean, and even a stay in the stocks!

No one? Just me? Wow that’s embarrassing.

Point is you’ve seen it all, there is almost no wonder spectacular enough to wow you.

So do something different for a change! Why not go help a nation with lawncare! Be a difference maker. It’s not REALLY summer without a good mow-down.

Though instead of mowing down grass why not mow down the hordes of feral undead! It is the Realms after all. And while you are at it why not stab a fellow adventurer! It IS the Realms after all.

Neden’s Front Lawn, a veritable No Man’s Land of wild animals, brain slugs, and everything else you find there. We are offering valuables to the best of the best who help us?

Kill the most monsters! Have one of Neden’s mystical ribbons, guaranteed to make any item as magical as friendship! (Only valid in select Neden establishments).

Survive the end of the event! Well then have one of the even BETTER ribbons that will let you take some little Neden magic to go! (Why are there so many ribbons in Neden you ask? Well look at you with the nosy questions)

Kill the most of your friends, okay wow that’s a little messed up. Look we’ll give you some gold just don’t stab us, geez, some people.

But we got more than just violence we have… MORE VIOLENCE.

This isn’t some happy little kingdom, this is Neden's Front Lawn, some of the more unsavory monsters and lowlifes have been causing trouble, and we will pay handsomely for their capture if you are up for it. If.

We also have left a lot of things in chests along the area, if you find them they are yours, we got spare armor repairs, extra lives, all sorts of things.

Speaking of extra lives, Neden's willing to provide some old magic to help out those who help us out. If you are a mage of two or three paths you can use a 3’8 in battle. That’s a full 8 inches or more! If you don’t think eight extra inches matter, ask your girlfriend.

For you fighters or one paths we have magical INVISIBLE armor you can borrow, it's so light it's like you are wearing nothing! If you don’t think not having to wear your chainmail matters, ask your back.

This was brought to you by Baptise Butchery: for you, from you.

We do commissions.

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