Da'oud & (in) Food
Written by: Iawen Penn
Date: February 7th, 1012 M.R.My father Nero told me this story as he heard it told to him by those actually there... that there were two priestesses: one a sexy blonde and one a bendable raven-haired beauty, who had a very docile red-head linked arm and arm in them up in Folkestone somewhere. It was June of 1002 by a Mortal's Reckoning (M.R.), so almost ten years ago at this point. Anyway, the story goes that they were calling this girl 'Pumpkin' and were bringing her to a very nice place to lay down and relax. Turns out they had been attempting to use the girl to place the spirit of a being called Tabitha within, but their original ritual had (purely by accident) been disturbed by the adventurers that day. Thus, they attempted to drag Pumpkin to a secondary location. Pumpkin, however, was definitely not in the best straights for traveling and some trigger words would set her off into a frothing, angry, venomous female who laid hands on people to choke them to death.
One of those trigger words was an adventurer's name: Da'oud. (dow-ood like 'food'). Boy, did Tabitha Not Like Da'oud.
Eventually, some adventurers wised up to what the two priestesses were doing and killed and scalped them, but hadn't a clue what was up with Pumpkin. They dragged her throughout the rest of the quest (whatever it was) and met up with the larger group of adventurers. Repeatedly, people made the mistake of calling for Da'oud which would have Pumpkin throttling the nearest person, spitting curses on Da'oud's name and threatening to grind his bones into... usually someone would flat or kill Pumpkin at this point (and raise her immediately). She would then be her spacey, 'what's going on self'. When the whole story tumbled out, there was a split on what to do with the peasant girl, as no one knew a Seer at the time who could ask how to fix it. To grant the girl peace, they killed and scalped her, too, but sent her spirit on to 'a good goddess'.
After the quest was over, someone made a comment about how many different things Da'oud could possibly be cooked or made into. And then, oddly, a list was found on the actual quest as well. Seemed Pumpkin had already planned for such things...
1. Da'oud Wellington
2. French Fried Da'oud
3. Da'oud Kabobs
4. Da'oud Stroganoff
5. Da'oud Shanks
6. Da'oud-loaf
7. Chili con Da'oud
8. Deep Fried Da'oud
9. Da'oud Curry
10. Da'oud Under Glass
11. Da'oud Rump Roast
12. Da'oud Forrester
13. Da'oud Heart Stew
14. Da'oud A La King
15. Da'oud Cacciatore
16. Da'oud Lo Mein
17. Da'oud Fricassee
18. Da'oud Kiev
19. Moo Goo Gai Da'oud
20. Da'oud Pot Pie
21. Da'oud A La Orange
22. Da'oud Croquettes
23. Da'oud Tetrazzini
24. Da'oud Beer-Basted BBQ Ribs
25. Da'oud Vinaigrette
26. Maple Syrup Battered Da'oud
27. Da'oud Raviolis
28. Da'oud Pilaf
29. Da'oud Rice Pudding
30. Da'oud Rinds
31. Da'oud Meringue Pie
32. Da'oud Souffle
33. D'Mousse (Mousse of Da'oud)
34. Da'oud Strudel
35. Soft-boiled Da'oud
36. Da'oud Fondue!
37. Da'oud on a Half Shell
38. Da'oud Omelet (with Cheese)
39. Cyalume-Water-Boiled Da'oud
40. Da'oud Cocktail (make sure it is pink)
41. Da'oud Thermador
42. Filet of Da'oud
43. McMuffin Da'oud
44. Da'oud Cheesecake
45. New Montaglion Da'oud Chowder
46. Da'oud in a Can
47. Da'oud Spicy Poppers
50. Da'oud Alfredo
51. Da'oud Bisque
52. Da'oud Gibblets n' Gravy
53. Da'oud Teriyaki on a Stick (Five Foot Preferred)
54. Da'oud Flambe'
55. Da'oudtain Dew
56. Moo Shu Da'oud
57. Da'oud Tartars
58. Da'oud done al dente with shrimp
59. Upside-Down Da'oud Cake
60. Da'oud Burritos with Rice & Beans
61. Da'oud with a nice Chianti and Fava Beans (candlelight required)
62. Da'ouds in a Blanket
63. Hickory Smoked Da'oud
64. Tollhouse Da'oud (for the kiddies)
65. Da'oud Cordon Bleu
66. Da'oud Rangoon
67. Shake & Bake Da'oud (he might like this, be careful)
68. Pickled Da'oud
69. Da'oud Sunny Side Up
70. Da'oud Pate
71. Salisbury Da'oud
72. Da'oud Over Easy
73. General Da'oud Chicken
74. Da'oud Gumbo
75. Da'oud Suey
76. Sauerda'oud
77. Philly Cheese Da'oud
78. Devil's Da'oud (Cake)
79. Da'oud Noodle Casserole (take out the cigarettes first)
80. Chilled Da'oud Brains
81. Rocky Mountain Da'oud with Ridges
82. Shredded Da'oud on a Hard Roll
83. Da'oud 'Surprise'
84. Spam, Eggs, Bacon & Da'oud
This list ended there with a pencil mark that seems dragged across the page, as if interrupted, or so the story went.
...I'm sort of curious if she ever made it to one hundred and one ways. - Iawen Penn
