Thursday, June 9, 2016

Bardic Circle: Zatarra's Winning Story from ToC 16

As written by Jon "Zatarra" Landerfin:

I preface this story with some background. Everyone knows I'm not a fan of kids, they're full of wonder and have no filter. It's amazing the words they know sometimes. I swear I'm on flash cards. 
"What's this? Ball. Good! And this? Car. Yay! And how about this? Boy. No, you see how he has smaller arms and legs and looks like an adult? That's a 'dwarf.'" (I'm using polite terms here).

Ok, now I digress. 


Back in the day I always adventured with my good friend Darkin. He was my muscle, standing 6-foot-something, and he knew how to handle a fight. How I miss him! So, NO SHITE, there we were. Shopping in some district in one of the bigger nations, I'm pretty sure it was Rhiassa but they all look alike. 

We are wandering through the markets, I'm pointing at things high up, and obviously Darkin is grabbing them for me. After a couple minutes we notice two children following us. They're whispering to each other and pointing over at us occasionally. We pay them no mind and continue on.

A few moments later curiosity obviously gets the better of one of them and he approaches me. 

"You know you're little?" he says. 

I respond with a smile. "Yep!" 

He goes back over to the other and they start giggling. Another minute or two goes by and he comes back. 

"Why are you so little?"

It's at this moment Darkin looks at me with the infamous "should-I -drop-them-for-you" look. The biggest grin comes over my face and without missing a beat I turn to the little boy and retort:

 "It's because I'm Uncle Cecil's helper, and you aren't getting shite for Yule!"
 

The immediate change from wonder to sheer horror on this boy's face as he turns and hightails it, grabbing his sibling and running away. The noise they made I'll never forget. Have you ever kicked someone down a well and heard them scream, and it gets quieter and softer as they descend? That noise. 

No shite. There we were. 


(OOC: I do not have a problem with any of the children in the Realms. They have never been an issue with me. Please don't take this as a complaint against any of the Realms children)

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